i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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