She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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