hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
