Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
