hotel room ftw
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
