The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
