i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
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