I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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