he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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