whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
