if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
