I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
