hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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