i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
