Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I am mentally ready for anal.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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