Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize