I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
