I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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