Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
