Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
