I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
i need some magic done to my vagina
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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