i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
