I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
