A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
