wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
