I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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