I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Randomize
