Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
