Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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