Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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