Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
