So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
