he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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