That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
