What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Did I show you my penis last night?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
