I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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