the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize