Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
