Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
