i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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