yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
