how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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