so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
