Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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