2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize