How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
the liver wants what the liver wants
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
