Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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