could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
