dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
