This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
