I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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