Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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