I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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