I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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