he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
