Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
