: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
