I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
