I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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