so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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