omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
