I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
