Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
