Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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