just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize