this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
