everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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