I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
