How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
