he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
