Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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