Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
