I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
