I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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